Garden related jokes

[suzjbibby]

I found this and wasn't sure to post it with the flower humour so I thought I'd start a new thread-

Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"Why, I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement."

 

[zigs]

"I'm growing Potatoes"

"What variety?"

"Kestrel"

"Are those the ones that only grow at night?"

"Eh?"

"Kestrel Manoeuvres in the Dark."

 

[suzjbibby]

People are like Potatoes!

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others ...
They are called "Speck Tators.

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin ...
They are called "Aggie Tators."

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing
We call them "Hezzie Tators."

Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden ...
They are called "Medi Tators."

There are those that try to maximize their crop yields while reducing expenses ...
We call them "Compu Tators."

 

[Pol Bishop]

I heard about people talking to their plants so I went out and bought one.
I haven't watered it for a week now.
Oh it'll talk. Eventually.

 

[ACSAPA]

I found this one on Pinterest, well, that's one way to get your garden ready for planting.

 

[Tradewinds]

Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.

 

[taskeinc]

I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing, and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs . . .

---------

Q: Where did the vegetables go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?
A: 99 times out of 100 you get an onion with long ears. But, 1 time out of 100, you'll get a piece of a$$ that makes your eyes water!

 

[Tradewinds]

What do you call a stolen yam?
A hot potato.

 

[claudine]

I find this funny:

I don't have to be reminded to do things 1,2,3 and 5 but I sometimes have problems with number 4, lol

 

[taskeinc]

1 - gotta stay clean, washing is definitely a necessity..

2 - I've found that when you try to talk to people about your passion for horticulture, if they are not interested they probably won't listen and will quickly change the subject. I have made the attempt to talk to friends about my "wonderful plants," and they are like, "yea, sure, how bout that weather we've been having?"

3 - wearing your garden boots into a restaurant, not cool at all.. I'm usually headed straight to the shower after serious gardening, unless I'm tending to my indoor plants, in that case, garden boots aren't needed.

4 - I don't even talk to my own plants, I'd probably be more inclined to talk to friends plants because I'd be asking the plant if it wants to get out of this "abusive relationship" LOL ... cause we all know how some friends don't halfway take care of their plants ... I've rescued many abused plants from friends over the years.. actually kidnapped a few...

5 - gotta keep it clean ..

 

[claudine]

Lol, I haven't kidnapped any plants yet but I guess I could do it if I noticed a plant that looks unhappy
Call me crazy, but I talk to my miniature roses all the time, I compliment them every day

 

[taskeinc]

Lol, I haven't kidnapped any plants yet but I guess I could do it if I noticed a plant that looks unhappy
Call me crazy, but I talk to my miniature roses all the time, I compliment them every day

You're not alone, lots of people talk to their plants and it's said to be good for them. I've never been able to bring myself to talk to my plants. One reason is because they seem to do quite well without me saying a word to them, and another reason is that it would just feel a bit too weird. One thing I do though is that I do pet my plants, and stroke them from time to time, for some odd reason they seem to like it. I suppose it would be the equivalent of giving your family pet a belly-rub. You know once you start to rub a dog's belly he doesn't want you to stop, I get a vibe from my plants that they don't want me to stop admiring their beauty and stroking the very healthy leaves.

I joke with friends who ask me do I talk to my plants and tell them NO, but in about 20 years, if I've not re-married, and my kids are on their own, I might start talking to them then..

 

[claudine]

I'm always tempted to pet my roses too but I rarely touch them - I do this only when I'm washing their leaves. I'm too afraid that my fingers are too warm for them or something, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't worry about it. When I talk to them, I always make sure that no one is in the room . My family already think I'm crazy so I don't want to give them any more reasons to criticize me

 

[Tradewinds]

Q: What do you call a mushroom who buys everyone drinks and is the life of the party?
A: A fun-gi.

 

[GardenElixir]

I saw this today on my Facebook news-feed and thought it was pretty cute!